Baby number 3

After being five days overdue, I was getting quite impatient. However, I was so physically tired that I was dreading the literal labor ahead of me. I knew no matter whenever baby boy came I was going to have to pony up.

I had been feeling more frequent contractions all day but real labor began at five minutes apart with about one minute contractions later in the evening. They lasted two hours until we decided to head to the hospital around 8:30. The kids were asleep already and my in-laws were in town to hold down the fort. 

When we arrived and got all the preliminary things out of the way (I was at an 8), contractions intensified and baby's heart rate began to drop. It was not coming back up quickly, even when the nurse started me on oxygen. My doctor suggested breaking my waters to get the baby out faster. I agreed and got on the bed. 

Once she broke my water, things immediately picked up. My doctor was able to see why baby's heart rate was dropping. "You have a prolapsed cord. That's an emergency C-section," she said. (A cord prolapse is rare and occurs when the cord comes before baby, resulting in pressure, and cutting off the life support for the baby.) In an instant the room filled with nurses and I was told to not push--a very hard thing to do at that point. Before I knew it, an OB/GYN appeared and made the call that the baby was too low for surgery: his head was already engaged. The OB/GYN did an episiotomy, which I thankfully did not feel thanks to adrenaline! He placed a small vacuum on baby's head and told me to push with everything I got. Two pushes and he was out just before 11.

I don't think I breathed after delivery until I heard our baby boy cry. He was loud and healthy and after testing his cord blood, the pH levels confirmed that he experienced no distress. 

From the moment my doctor said cord prolapse to baby's birth was about five minutes. The fluidity of the medical staff during that time was like an art performance. I am so grateful for the well-trained. Seriously, I just want to hug everyone who has ever helped me birth my babies.

I am still in shock at the sudden intensity of the situation but mostly grateful that our baby is perfectly healthy and I did not have a C-section (the thought of being wheeled down to the OR continues to strike panic into my heart). My doctor, who's been practicing for ten years, had only seen one cord prolapse before mine, and it was the only vaginal delivery of a cord prolapse the OB/GYN had done (an even more seasoned doctor).

Every birth is a miracle, but I know my family was being especially watched over that night. We're so happy to have our little boy.

Getting to know my children

The other day while playing with my baby girl, she responded differently to me. I can't explain the experience well, but it was like an understood exchange between us--a leap in cognitive development. And in that blip I was suddenly reminded, "Oh yeah, she won't always be a baby." It was thrilling. While I love her present baby stage, I was happy to be reminded that I am getting closer to knowing her a little better.

I often think about the future with my children. I get so excited pondering the things they'll accomplish. I'm not talking about being a star of anything but just doing things: tying a shoe, reading a book, taking a hike, cracking an egg, singing a song, etc. It's fascinating to witness my children just being. In that growing body is a person I've created but really have no idea who they'll become. I'm anxious to find out but am enjoying the in between process.

Hi, Baby Girl

Happy birthday, Baby Girl

One of my biggest concerns with birthing baby girl is that I wouldn't arrive at the birth center on time. My first baby came under seven hours from first contraction ever felt in my life to birth. I only pushed for forty minutes. I was told that babies only come faster with each one you have, so I felt justified in my angst.

At a little before four in the morning the day baby girl was born I woke up with contractions. I was able to sleep in between them, and they came every twenty minutes. I did my best to relax and breathe through them. At around six I decided to get up and begin the day. I showered, did laundry, etc. I didn't think I was going to have my baby that day because my labor was progressing slower than my first. I was trying to be patient.

I had an appointment that afternoon at the birth center for a non-stress test since I was one week overdue. By the time I needed to leave, my contractions were so close and strong I didn't want to drive myself there. Luckily my husband had stayed home that day, and we were able to have a family member watch our little boy at the drop of a hat. We grabbed the bag and car seat and headed out the door.

When I got to the birth center, my contractions picked up in speed and strength significantly. The midwife measured me, and I was a ten. Good thing I had an appointment, or else I don't know when I would have made the decision to come in. It was only about a half hour ago that my contractions were still on average twenty minutes apart.

I was escorted to my birthing suite where I stripped down and stepped into the tub. I got on my hands and knees and almost immediately began to push. Baby girl had been quite a mover my entire pregnancy, and while I tried my best to keep her turned anterior, she always preferred posterior. So posterior she came, and it was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. With every push, it felt like my tailbone was being smashed to pieces. I screamed and thought I would pass out from the pain. I clenched my husband and said, "Oh, God."

But in ten minutes it was all over. I was lucky. Baby girl was born, scooped out of the water, and placed in my arms. I sat in the tub and held her with so much relief. There is no feeling in the world comparable to that first moment after birth. Nothing can touch you.

Although it was so very hard, I'm grateful I could have another natural birth. I was really proud of myself for being able to breathe slowly and focus on bringing oxygen to my baby for the entire labor. It helped keep me calm. There's nothing like experience to help things go more smoothly the second time. As always, I feel midwives are some of the most remarkable people on earth. I'm glad they could help me so efficiently, professionally, and lovingly in my time of need. They are wonderful.

It's nice to be done with the waiting game and finally enjoy being a family of four.

Peter Pan: learning about a mother's love

I've been thinking a lot about mothering lately. My toddler gets older every day with new challenges, and baby girl is due next week. I know it's just the beginning, and sometimes the pressure of doing things right from the start gets to me. It's nice to be reminded that my love is enough, which is probably why Peter Pan has been one of my favorite things lately. I knew mothers played a key role in the story, but the emphasis had never struck me until recently.

When the Darling children arrive in Neverland, it is the motherly Wendy who receives all the attention. The boys feel the need to build her a house, a place where she is protected and treasured, and then they break into song about her.

Oh what pleasure
She'll bring to us
Make us pockets and sing to us
Tell us stories we've been longing to hear
Over and over!

She'll be waiting at the door
We won't be lonely anymore
Since Wendy
Lovely Wendy's here to stay

We have a mother,
At last we have a mother!

Throughout the story Wendy does these things and much more (like taking pleasure in giving the boys their medicine). She is the embodiment of tenderness as a motherly figure to Peter and the boys. They want someone to care for them. It's as simple as that. There is no criticizing of her ability or lack thereof. She is their mother, and that's all they need.

I know there are many things to be done to be a "good" mother, but all those things stem from the love I have for my children. It can't be measured or compared to other mothers' love, which makes it difficult to know if you're doing everything "right." The most I can do is my best and not judge others, whether those judgments be positive or negative. I am here for my children. When I waste energy on what I think others are doing better or worse than I am, it's taking away my focus from my own children, my ability to love them in the way they need.

In the end, it is Wendy's memory of her own mother's love that draws the children and the lost boys back home to London. I don't think there is a better scene than when the children are reunited with their mother and father in the end, and then the nervous lost boys are equally just as welcomed. There really "could not have been a lovelier sight."

When Peter Pan, the lost boys, and the Darling children speak of mothers, it is always of their own mother. They each defend her as the best, even brag, despite most of them not knowing what their mother was even like. Their faith in their mother's love was all that they had. It made them individuals and confident because they knew that somewhere someone still loved them.

I am grateful for the many wonderful years I have to raise my children. May my love match their faith.